So this dumbfuckery is from several years ago (2008) when I was bored and made a couple batshit Craigslist adds in the ‘love connection’ - or whatever it was called - section of Craigslist.
I just found this old, moldy screencap on an old hard drive and it’s kind of fuzzy, but it reads:
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Unshaven dance teacher, that would be me, seeking cat lover who can MAKE A CUPCAKE for live sinus. Seven days will be good for not dance. I want no srings. Often gas, but no high on Thursday. Waont you be? Insertion.
Please no pets.
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Yes, I’m fully aware that there’s something wrong with me, and I won’t pretend that, even though this was back in 2008, that I’m much better today.
So yeah, there were a FUCKTON OF RESPONSES.
I have to say that surprised me. I mean I know my ad was super fuckin sexy, but really guys? Jesus christ.
Several responses included men sending pictures of their genitalia, of course.
Other fun responses were as follows:
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Hello Sexy, I am defiantly interested and would really like to get together with you RIGHT NOW. My name is Al I am In Santa Clara, I am 39yrs old stand 6”3 brown hair and blue eyes and love to have all kinds of fun. I especially love Oral and can eat pussy like you cannot believe, and will make you cum so hard I promise you that. I would rather show you instead of telling you about it. Want you to cum hard in my mouth swallowing every drop, then I will eat you more. I absolutely love older women more than you know, How about we start with a massage when I get there, My hand’s feeling every inch of your body slowly. It’s about 4:00am now get back to me ASAP so we can talk and you can give me directions how to get to you…
I will be waiting for your reply
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See you in a little while
Al
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hey my name is brian and im 25 years old and im 6'3' 225lbs brown hair blue eyes and i would love to
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ummmm....
what the FUCK?
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Good Morning,
I just got backfrom a friend's birthday and saw your ad and am quite intrigued!! I like the cartoon/anime twist to your ad, quite unique and ecclectic to a Cl ad. Perhaps you'd like know more about me. And for starteres, I have now obstacles when it comes to age, I actually prefer older woemn because of their lack of inhibitions and spiritual openness.
I'm 25 years old, live alone, am well eduacted and well traveled. I enjoy a good glass of wine on occasion, sex of course, music, movies, typical amenities to any human being I guess. I'm very outgoing and enjoy deep conversation on almost any level. I seem to connect more with older people in general, I guess you could call me an old soul of sorts. Raised by mom, very respectful, very driven, and ambitious. Physically, I'm 6'2, 200 lbs.. dark hair, green eyes, athletic. If you care to know more, please ask, otherwise, good luck in your seach.
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hello, i am 43, single and live in vallejo. i am 5' 10" and 320lbs. i'm looking to have a little fun in my free time. hopefully we can have some fun together.
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so are you still sexualy active and or do you have the desire to have sex I am assumining that you are post menapausal of course i don't know much about it and what i have heard may not be acuraute i am very open minded and uninhibited sexualy i enjoy giving pleasure very sensual and affectionate a few years ago a friend of the family an older women i swear was hitting on me and when i took a good look at her i was suprised to find her of all things sexy iwas sent over to her home to make sure some things were secure and while i was there i did some things that she could not when we did touch a hug i was suprised how she felt and smelled her skin was soft and her scent was arousing seing her in a pair of shorts i was amazed how sexy her little ass and slender legs were she was small chested wich is my favorite i was curious how it would feel to be with her nakid or to make love to her when a friend told me that she was to old i said what do you mean and he told me his version about menapause said even if she wanted sex that she could not do it anyway and i belived him i would have sex or make love to an older women especialy if i could give her pleasure that is what i get out of it can you still have an orgasam i love a lot of kissing playing with your tits sucking licking them giving you oral pleasure especialy if you can still have an orgasam i would lick and suck you down there until you have one that would be so erotic if i have come across to blunt or crude i am sorry idid not mean to ofend you but i would still love to give you pleasure
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WTF does your posting even mean, besides wanting to get fucked?
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Hi beautiful I am still up and like to chat and maybe see if there is a connection I am 42 in martinez, ca
I am tall hispanic./armenian.. big boy.. love to give u a nice body massage right now.. if u are game I am all about doing,, no talk.. I have been ready all night long...
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Are we looking to do this right now? I'm game if you are. I need to get something in my tummy so that I can take my meds. Relax. I'm not on anti-psychotics. I also need a haircut. Are you doing anything for the next few hours?
Chemistry? I flunked that subject. So did a lot of other people. But failing chemistry doesn't set you back in life as far as you think. Think of the bikers that rig up those mobile meth labs in trailer parks. I doubt if any of them passed Chem.
I usually walk around comfortably as a Heavy Weight, but drop down to a Cruiser Weight when I have to make weight. I'm too American for most of my Asian brethren, but still really more Asian than American.....meaning that I'll eat Korean food, but at Hahn's Hibachi, and I'll take the Bi Bim Bop w/ Kim Chee. My ancestors are from The Central Kingdom, but I come to you by way of The Barbary Coast.
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Anyway, the moral of the story is that, if you have absolutely no scruples, sense of smell, or worry about being unalived by random strangers on the internet, you, too, can find sexytime with desperate, lonely dudes.
Here’s another that I made, but I don’t see the corresponding responses. I can’t even believe that I found any of this shit but sorta happy I did - mostly it reminds me that any poor behavior on my part isn’t really all that new.
(And yes, old-school Everquest players, especially those I’ve gamed with - that is Shmoopy, an actual character I played in the game. Isn’t she beautiful?)
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57 year old bbqw looking ofr partner to sex with no demands prolaps vaginal style, need care and extra moisture. Must not be allergic to gophers or pollen.
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I’m sorry for the way that I am.
Sort of.
Gold. This is the type of stuff I always think about doing, but never get around to actually executing. I love me some nonsense. That first ad - 👌🏻
Wait, so all of those responses going on about older women thought they were replying to a 39 year old??
Jfc. It's creepy and gross either way but *slightly* understandable if it was the 57 year old one. Why even are men?